Ok, Ok...Enough, Already!

If I hear one more comment about the sad state of my blog....I'll......I'll........I'll cave, and write an entry just so you have something to read! :) That's how much I love my friends and how weak I am to nagging. It is my cryptonite (spell check?)...ask my mom.

Ok. So here is my awesome blog entry to make up for the past...5 months of silence.
Here is a joke from Nate (my 3 year old). Ready? It's a good one!

Nate: Knock, Knock.
Hanna: Who's there?
N: Banana.
H: Banana, who?
N: There is a banana on your head and underwear too. The monkey on tv wants your banana. It is NOT a yellow banana...it is weird, like, a blue one. haha. Blue banana on your head with underwear! (hysterical laughter)

Get it?! Get it?! No? Hmmm....that's weird.

Ok. How about a short story? It's a good one. I promise. I'll even give it a title.

The Red Crayon Tragedy

It was a beautiful Friday morning on the Caribbean island of Sint Maarten. The tropical breeze was blowing in through the windows. Our heroine (person, not drug), a gorgeous, intelligent, kind-hearted stay-at-home mom, was finishing up her last chore of the morning...laundry. Little did she know that in the very next room, her nemesis (aka 3 year old son) had hatched a plan. A very evil plan. It was an all-out assault on her laundry. The weapon of choice? A red crayon.

In the past, he had already tried applying crayon, marker, paints, food to various articles of clothing but had only been able to inflict minor damage. This time, however, he wanted to annihilate the laundry. It was an ingenious plan. Sneak in a crayon...get it past his sick, darling mother, make sure that it makes it into the dryer with the clothes most needed by the family.

The heroine, not even suspecting foul play, opened the dryer and out dropped a crayon wrapper.
Ominous music begins to play...crescendo...music swells...scene darkens.
Close shot of heroine's face, as she shouts in slow-motion, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lots of face contortions and slow motion frantic movements...maybe she claws at the dryer in vain or something. Use your imagination...the more dramatic, the better.

Time out. Sorry. I guess this isn't a short story but a screenplay? Well...no...screenplays are pretty complex. How about a synopsis of a screenplay. Haha. Ok. Time-in.

Of course, the heroine is too late. This is a tragedy, afterall. The entire load of laundry is ruined. RUINED~~!!! Every single piece of clothing that she pulls out of the dryer has melted crayon drizzled and hardened all over it. How does one crayon do so much damage? Well...the villain is crafty and uses a jumbo crayon so that there is that much more wax to spread around. White shirts that the heroine's husband adores are now overall pink with concentrated blobs of red wax here and there. School uniforms that belong to the older son look like they've been tie-dyed. Cute tank tops that actually flatter the heroine are now unrecognizable.
Crying commences...hysterical, snow-angels on the floor, full-on temper tantrum crying with wails of "Why?!! Whhhhhhyyyyyy??!!" accompanied by angry fist-shaking at the heavens. Continues for about....oh, just a wild guess, 15 minutes? That sounds about right.

In this last scene, the heroine is sitting in a pile of ruined clothes and shaking her fist at the heavens. "As God is my witness, I will never forget to check the pockets again!!" (think Gone with the Wind, Scarlett O' Hara. Sorry, I am from Georgia) Tears stream down her face....screen fades and music crecendos. End credits roll.

As in all tragedies, the hero learns their lesson but it's too late. You know, like in high school English class when you're studying Shakespeare and you want to grab Romeo by his floofy collar and just, SHAKE him. Sigh. Anyway, this red crayon play is just so tragic! I almost feel as if that very thing happened to me a few days ago....WAIT! Maybe because it DID! Yeah...sigh. My life is tragic.

Well, actually, it's not that tragic because after I stopped crying, I remembered Google. So, I googled "How to get melted crayon out of clothes" and got sent to a few different sites. If you ever need a good formula for removing crayon...email me :) I had to borrow Oxyclean from a couple of friends, and run the washer about 5 times more but I got most of it out except for a few greasy spots along the seams of my shirt and a few pinkish/orangish spots along the seams of a couple of Daniel's shirts. But, I consider us very, very lucky. It was a 'learning' experience....or something like that.

Ok. Am I good on blog entries for another 5 months? :)